


Carry On (coda)

by cascountsdeansfreckles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester in Heaven, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Episode: s15e20 Carry On Coda, Heaven, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27647138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cascountsdeansfreckles/pseuds/cascountsdeansfreckles
Summary: “Cas?”“Hm?”“Do you really think I deserve to be here?”After a quiet moment where Cas skims his thumb gently across Dean’s hand, he sighs.“No.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 22
Kudos: 446





	Carry On (coda)

**Author's Note:**

> idk if this counts as mcd since deans already dead in the first place but lmaoo here’s a 15x20 coda bc i miss my boy rly bad and they did him so !!! dirty !!!
> 
> no beta we die like men

“Well, Cas helped.”

Dean’s head snaps up immediately and Bobby raises his eyebrows knowingly. Clearing his throat, Dean looks back down at his hands and smiles.

“He’s here?”

“He’s around somewhere,” Bobby says, shrugging. “Finish your beer.”

“Nah.” Dean sets the bottle to the side and glances at the Impala, sitting on the road in front of him. “I’m gonna go for a drive.” He stands, somehow knowing that the keys are sitting in the ignition, waiting for him.

“Dean,” Bobby calls out. He turns back to him. “He likes to sit on the dock, when he’s got time. If you want to find him, that’s where he’ll be. It’s right down that way.” Dean follows the direction that Bobby is pointing and then nods gratefully

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“I’ll see you around, kid.”

The Impala runs smoother than she has in a long time. On Earth, Dean did his best to take care of her, but at a certain point there was nothing he could do about it. Now she purrs like he hasn’t heard in years.

“Aw, hey baby,” he mutters as she roars to life. “Let’s go see Cas.” The car shifts into gear and revs like she‘s as excited as Dean.

He should drive slow, take it easy for his first experience in Heaven. Take in the landmarks, the beautiful view. He presses his foot all the way down and the car doesn’t groan and lurch like it would on Earth, it just shoots off in the direction Bobby pointed him.

Heaven can wait. He wants to see Cas.

He spots the dock and the figure sitting on the lawn chair in the middle of it and comes to a screeching stop that should make his neck hurt. It doesn’t. Heaven rocks. He stumbles out of the car and starts to lock the door before realizing that there’s no need to do so anymore.

Cas turns his head as Dean approaches and makes a gesture with his hand. Dean swears he sees something shimmer in the water, but when he gets closer there’s nothing there.

“Cas,” he says, coming to a stop next to the chair. Cas looks up at him with a sad smile and then he’s on his feet and they’re hugging, holding each other tightly. Dean’s fingers clutch at the fabric of the trench coat he never thought he’d see again, let alone touch.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas releases him and surveys him closely. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon.” When Dean frowns, confused, Cas continues, “I figured you would visit your parents. Or Jo and Ellen.” 

Oh. Yeah, Bobby had mentioned that John and Mary lived close by, as well as the Harvelle’s. Dean hadn’t thought much of it once Cas was mentioned.

“You kiddin’?” He touches Castiel’s face lightly. “I wanted to see you.” Cas’ gaze softens and he smiles, but it disappears quickly. 

“I’m glad to see you, but it was not your time yet,” he says, voice heavy. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I wasn’t cut out for apple pie anyway.” Dean shrugs, but an ugly feeling rises in his gut. He’d been excited about that job interview.

“Don’t say that,” Cas says sharply, the hand that still rests on Dean’s shoulder tightens. “You deserved to be happy, Dean. You—“ Cas breaks off, looking frustrated. “I am sorry that you didn’t get the chance to write your story.”

Dean feels something like tears prickling at the back of his eyes and he looks away, clearing his throat and blinking.

“Yeah, well.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “I’m here now, so. There’s something I wanted to tell you. I don’t really have the right words for it, though—”

“I know,” Cas tells him, gentle again. Dean lifts his gaze. “I know, Dean.” Dean frowns at him.

“If you knew, why did you wait to tell me until we were out of time, Cas? We could’ve—could’ve been together before you died,” Dean chokes on the last word. Cas shakes his head.

“I didn’t know until Jack brought me back. Before that, I didn't think you would ever feel that way. But here, I can tune into Earth. I can focus on a person or a place, and watch.” Dean blinks at him. “That sounds creepy,” Cas apologizes. “It’s not, I swear. I would just check in on you, and I saw—I saw enough.” Dean feels his face heat up at what Cas could’ve seen. Maybe Dean standing in the door of the dungeon, staring into the room until Sam came to get him. Or maybe Dean alone in his room, sobbing into Miracle’s fur. “I know, Dean. And it’s okay. You don’t need to have the right words right now. We have all the time in the world.”

Dean stares at him. Heaven pushed him back a couple of years, or maybe it’s just the fact that his grace is fully intact for the first time since they met. He looks healthier, stronger. More sure of himself.

“You can watch Earth?” Dean says after a long while. Cas nods. “Is that what you were doing when I walked up?” Cas nods again.

“I was watching over Sam.”

Sam. Dean feels his eyes widen and his stomach twist.

“How is he? Is he okay?”

“He just lost you, Dean,” Castiel warns him warily. “He’s coping with it better than either of you have in the past, but he is still struggling.”

Dean swallows thickly.

“Can I see?”

Cas nods shortly. There’s a rush of air and suddenly Dean is being offered a seat in a second chair that hadn’t been there before. Cas is already sitting, staring at the water. Dean looks too, and for a moment is disoriented.

Instead of water, he can see his room. Sam is sitting on the edge of his bed, talking quietly to Miracle as he rubs and scratches behind his ears. Dean can’t hear him, but he can see the hitch in his chest every few words. 

Sam stands eventually and begins to tidy a few things up in the room.

“Fuckin’ weirdo,” Dean mutters under his breath. “Touching my stuff.”

“Dean,” Castiel hushes. He snaps his mouth shut and watches.

Sam is pulling Dean’s pillow back, presumably looking for a gun or a blade. But in the days leading up to Dean’s death, he didn't need one. Instead, Sam finds a slightly crumpled picture. Dean averts his gaze from the water.

“Oh,” he says quietly. “That’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I thought it was sweet,” Cas tells him. Curiosity at Sam’s reaction gets the better of Dean and he returns his gaze to the lake.

Sam is smiling, albeit shakily, at the picture he’s holding delicately in his hand. Cas is squinting at the camera, looking a mixture of exasperated and fond in his cowboy hat. Dean took no less than fifteen pictures that day; most of them he gave to Cas, but not this one. The way that Cas was looking at him...he wanted to keep it for himself. 

Sam sits down heavily and stares at the picture until Miracle trots over to him and nuzzles his hand with his nose.

“Alright,” Dean says as Sam sets the picture to the side and scratches Miracle’s head. “That’s enough.” 

Cas waves his hand and Dean’s room dissolves, leaving nothing but the calm splashing of the water behind.

“We better not see him for a long time,” Dean says, his throat tight.

“I don’t think we will.” Cas is turned partly toward Dean and his fingers twitch on the arm of his chair. Dean flicks his gaze up to meet his eyes. Cas is watching him closely.

Dean takes his hand from where it was clenched at his side as he watched Sam and holds it out in the space between them. Cas stares at it for a moment before looking back up at Dean and taking it.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says. “If I don’t get that job tending that bar, and I don’t get to take Miracle back to that dog park, I’m glad that I get you. If Jack hadn’t pulled you out…” he trails off. “I’m really, really glad that you’re here, Cas.”

Castiel squeezes his hand.

“Cas?”

“Hm?”

“Do you really think I deserve to be here?”

After a quiet moment where Cas skims his thumb gently across Dean’s hand, he sighs.

“No.”

Dean’s heart plummets. His grip slackens on Castiel’s hand, but the angel holds tight. 

“I think,” Cas says slowly, “that you deserve to be back there. Tending a bar. Taking Miracle to the park.” Dean lets out a breath of relief.

“Jackass,” he mutters. “That’s not what I was asking.”

“I know what you were asking, but it was a stupid question.”

Dean huffs but doesn’t respond, just looks out over the water. It makes sense, he decides, that this is Heaven. Looking out over a body of water with Cas sitting next to him, their hands linked between them and the sun shining just right so that there’s no glare in his eyes.

Maybe Cas is right. Maybe he deserved more time to do his own thing while he was alive. But now he gets to do it here, with Cas by his side. He gets to choose where he settles down, he gets to pester Ellen into hiring him at the roadhouse, even though he technically doesn’t need a job.

Sure, he’s without his little brother for the first time since Sam left for college, but he’d take that over Sam being here. Being dead. Dean makes a mental note to beat the shit out of him if he shows up in anything less than forty years from now.

The longer they sit there, the more the constant restlessness in Dean grows. The hunter in him insists that they’ve been static for too long, but every time he shifts and glances around, Cas soothes him back down.

It’s going to take awhile to get accustomed to living without a constant state of warfare. Even in the short time Dean had had between Chuck losing his power and a friggin’ giant ass nail getting the best of him, they’d been hunting.

It’s going to take almost the same amount of time to get used to the fact that he’s allowed to hold Castiel’s hand. And Cas is allowed to smile when Dean catches him staring, instead of looking away with a dark blush. These are good things, he knows.

And he deserves good things.


End file.
